Thursday, May 21, 2015

another parent broke...

(editors note, I'm rerunning favorite posts while i'm at Autism One This year)

Go read it. 

The go read her last blog post before attempting murder/suicide.  Her very safety net was yanked out from under her.  She broke. I GET IT.  Its not very far off for me to reach to know the feelings she must've felt. 
And I'm telling you - unless this country, and every state in this country gets on the ball NOW, this is just going to get more common.  Dominic's elementary school SPED teacher has a caseload of 30 children.  There are 300 in the school.  Thats 10%.   How many of those 10% of parents losing hope and killing (or attempting to kill) their children is it going to take to get the Powers That BE to do something?????

We have a security net very well in place and probably a dozen people who if I called and said I was at the end of my rope and it was about to break,  would drop everything and help.  But so many parents don't. Its absolutely criminal that autism is not being treated as an epidemic.

Edited after some lively facebook discussion to add:
Its hard, so hard, as a parent to ask for help, but on the other side of the coin , following someone's story and hoping you see when they need help isn't enough. Show up one night with dinner for the kids (dietarily appropriate) and a GC to send the parents out for an evening of mindless fun while you hang out with the kids. or offer to pay for respite care and go out w/the parents yourselves for adult fun, or offer to cover a week of therapy or offer to change the locks on their house to appropriate ones, or offer to help kick in for whatever their latest attempt to help their child is (hbot / gcmaf / blah blah blah are all ridiculously expensive), show up at the hospital when their kid has yet another test or yet another visit to the ER... hold their hand. Be their strength when they don't have anymore. Be involved. Be the one they CAN call when they are at that end of the rope and know what to do to take over for them if they really need a break.   Be their advocate in the community;.  Reach out because probably the reason they haven't called is they simply don't have time to take their eyes off their kids.

Edited a second time, after more lively facebook discussion...

My friend Tally has a different perspective than mine above.  And she's right.  This is about a cultural shift, not about a one time deal like the above would make us think.  She says
It's parents being able to go to the grocery store with their stimmy child and no one looking at them sideways when he starts to flap his hands. It's people smiling and offering to help hold the baby when the autistic kid is tantruming in a parking lot. And not just a one -off. EVERY DAY!! It's a mom being able to just let her kid run around outside because she knows the other kids have been taught to look out for him and will come get her if something goes wrong. It's about NOT feeling isolated. It's about NOT feeling alone. It's about a neighbor NOT getting upset when your autistic son lets her birthday girl's balloons go because he wants to see them fly. It's about NOT having to worry about your kid's future, because your entire COMMUNiTY loves and appreciates him/her. It's about ALL of us coming together and living as tribes again rather than isolated lonely singular half-souls begging for some damn contact..... These mothers are DYING. They feel like freaks because they are trying to help their kid and EVERYTHING and EVERYONE is set up against them. Their children are being exterminated. They are HOPELESS.

Its the older generation not just jumping straight to "bad parenting" when they see the meltdowns, and instead helping.  Its not having to argue with the school about sending your kids food in (seriously, there're school nurses now calling parents arguing with them because they are GFCF).  Its not having to fight to keep your child safe, because there's a net.  Its not having to deal with insurance companies that stop coverage the day your kid turned 7... its being able to get the therapy and services they need without killing yourself.

Its HUGE change that must happen.

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